Rappers Would be Honest

Posted: December 15, 2010 in Music
Tags: , , , , ,

Have you ever listened to a rap song? I mean, really listened? It’s all bling this, hos that. The video is usually some dude with sunshades and a big coat gesturing at the camera as bikini-clad ladies gyrate around him. That almost never happens in real life.

"What the...? LADIES! I'm on the loo!"

So, if I had my own way, rappers would just be honest about their lives. I mean sure, some must love wearing incredibly heavy jewellery, but I would wager the majority simply want to spend their time sat in front of the TV watching Corrie.

So I’ve written the Honest Rapper’s Rap. So far it’s just lyrics, but someone provide me wit’ a slammin’ baseline and I’ll throw down some mouth juice, or whatever.

The Honest Rapper’s Rap

Y’all know me as ‘Rappa Dog’

Truth is my name is Clive

And far from braggin ’bout my life

Just glad to be alive.


I drive a Ford Mondeo

Gets me from A to B

Ain’t bothered ’bout no Cadillac

I’m told speed kills, you see.


I only really curse and swear

When I’m angry or depressed

And truth be told it’s only two

Or three girls I’ve undressed.


Not the multitude or so

I suggest in my songs

And being truthful flip-flops

Are my favourite type of thongs.


I’ve settled down with Sandra

I’m sure that she’s the one.

She doesn’t have a bouncy butt

Or bootilicious buns.


Don’t get the most attractive girls

Which I understand, you see;

It’s no surprise, considering

My meagre salary.


I don’t belong to any gangs

Or fight much, I confess

Unless you count our lunchtime club

Where we play Bridge and Chess.


So that is me, ol’ Rappa Dog

Or Clive, as I prefer;

My ideal night ain’t clubbing

It’s watching X Factor.



  1. Fabulous!! Not sure I can see Cher singing it, but maybe Louis!!

    CJ xx

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